If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
they're like a gay fantastic four
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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