Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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