How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
