i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
