i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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