so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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