Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
