70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
