I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
