He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
sex in a hospital.. check
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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