for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
