I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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