but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
