There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize