got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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