i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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