You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
