why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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