somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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