seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
