The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
