Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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