the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize