I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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