I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
