My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
