I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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