that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
