He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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