i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
