Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize