she woke up with a sticky ear
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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