Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
