Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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