I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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