Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
