Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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