Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize