it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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