I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
