I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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