There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
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