Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Randomize
