Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
