Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
