I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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