i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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