You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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