Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize