i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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