well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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