I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize