So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
