You made me cry and you don't even care
one two three fourrrrnication!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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