yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
