I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
