Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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