if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize