Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize