My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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