Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
