i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Randomize
