I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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