Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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