So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Still dying that you shit outside
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
