My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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