Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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