I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
