I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I want a musical about memes.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
