Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
