I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
