i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
