i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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