level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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