how can u be prego again
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
