ya dads aren't the best wingmen
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
