Joe is yelling at the trees again.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
A+ Viking dick
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