how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
