i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
